On November 20, 2011, I introduced my little corner of the Internet to the world at-large by complaining about a commercial for The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. In short, I was peeved that in it, the master sword, falling towards its destiny, passed over a girl to land in the hands of a boy. (This isn’t why I never played Skyward Sword, or…maybe it is…) It was enough to compel me to write about games from my own perspective, a female one at that, though pushing that agenda was never a goal. My main goal was to share stories of games I knew and loved.
For several years, I focused on storytelling and nostalgia; within both spheres, writing came easily. I made many attempts to find my “voice,” and there are moments even now when I feel like I’m still searching for it. To a very real degree, many of my older posts served as outlets for anger and frustration, which may or may not have stemmed from video games, specifically. Those posts speak quite differently to me now than they did then, and in some cases, it almost feels as if a different person wrote them. But, I was a different person back then, nearly a decade ago. I was also much less open about who I was, but that’s the way I wanted it to be. If I wanted anyone random to “know” me, I would only let them in through the lens of video games. Anything beyond that was off limits.
If anything changed that, it was finding community. The formation of Virtual Bastion (formerly United We Game) in 2013 went a long way in bridging the gap I had put between myself and everyone else. I consider my cohorts there — Hatm0nster and The Duck of Indeed — as close as any real-life friends, even though we’ve never met in person. The same feeling holds true for those of us who came together to form Geek Force Network, a short-lived but passionate blogging venture that was such a wonderful and collaborative site. But it was very much a coming-together of its time. Eventually, folks moved on, because lives change. People change. That just what happens. We accept, congratulate, move on, and rebuild, if necessary.
Working with others, and verily, joining other blogging community events of my own accord, helped me renovate my own blog. Or rather, they helped me want to restyle things with an eye towards being more open, telling more stories, being more personable, whether or not video games were involved. I suspect many former followers might have trailed off because I eventually chose to place video game stories on the back burner, but the truth of the matter is that I have to write for myself first. Even in ye olden days when I was messing around with my online persona, and perhaps not giving any fucks about what people thought, those posts where what I needed to write then. And these are the posts I need to write now.
But what are “these posts” that I write today? You know as well as I that this year has been utterly fucked-up. Sorry, but I can’t think of words to put it more delicately, more sensibly, because sense…what the hell even is that anymore? Nothing means anything; anything means nothing. Talk about living in the world of Alice in Wonderland. And I don’t mean the adorable Disney version.
Anyway, I realize that my 2020 of blogging will soon be as past as anything, and we’ll all just laugh about this someday (likely through tears), but “these posts” of this year, are among the most personal I think I’ve ever written. And, yes, I know that I didn’t write many posts — aside from sharing Dragon Age, I did a lot of reposting from my site and others — but the ones I did sprang from in-the-moment moments. In fact, after several years of dutifully scheduling post after post and being stupidly loyal to my own made-up schedule, this year, nothing was scheduled. Not a single post. Every post that I was able to write from scratch, to this post you’re reading now, was written on a Wednesday morning without any forethought. As strange as it sounds, that’s something I never thought I’d be able to do. Because I’ve always been a planner. Do I have a pandemic to thank for forcing me into occasional spontaneous bouts of creativity? Actually, yes. Because this year has pretty much been one big anti-plan. This year has both filled my brain to its fullest and emptied it of any granules of prescience.
In nine years of blogging, I’ve learned way too much about myself, probably shared more than I really ever wanted to (#noregrets), and have never felt better about my choice to keep going despite it all. And I do mean IT. ALL. Because that shit ain’t going no where any time soon. And so, I plow through it, sometimes with video game pizzazz, other times with a personal fizzle. But no matter what, I share, I write, I am this space. When you join me here, you’re part of this space too, and you are always welcome. Thank you. Thank you for being here, throughout the nine years past, and into the future, whatever it may bring.