Dashing off some words about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

I feel compelled to start by saying that I’m glad I didn’t haul off and write this post immediately after seeing The Rise of Skywalker (several days ago). I thin that post would have turned out a lot more…ahh…curse-heavy, shall we say. I also, quite literally, just want a GODDAMNED BB-8 MOVIE ALREADY. Droids: The Remake. Like that, only with less C-3PO and only BB-8 his little sidekick D-O. Is that too much to ask for in this fucked up world of yellow lightsabers and ghostly jedi? I should think not. 

Anyway. As I now feel calmer and more composed about dashing off a few words about this final(?) new star Wars movie, I am further compelled to include link here to my past “dashing off” posts, because it is the Internet, and links are king.

Dash off to see me having dashed off some words on:

The Force Awakens
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
The Last Jedi
Solo: A Star War Story

And now, onward with The Rise of Skywalker.

  • Let’s start at the end. Because had I written this post right after the movie, it would have likely been a nothing more than a diatribe about how much I despised its last quarter, or thereabouts. Basically everything that happened with and after Rey’s arrival on the Exegol (the Sith homeworld, as purported only by this movie). And, by the way, I can easily forgive sudden existence of the Sith wayfinders, because it’s fantasy, folks, and that’s just what fantasy do. In general beyond:
    • Why couldn’t Rey have been just an actual “nobody?” Yes, whatever, the previous movies had been leading up to the fact that she was a “somebody” (though The Last Jedi seemed to want to go with the “she’s a ‘nobody'” approach), but the fact that she had to be revealed as the granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine was just awful. She was part of that hegemony all along and was the only one who could take it down? Bullshit. For most of the movie, I kept thinking how the hell is this about “the rise of Skywalker”?? And then…that fucking ending on Tatooine…goddamn if it doesn’t make me want to set things on fire just thinking about it.
    • And so, why even bother with Kylo-Ren’s shitty redemption arc? Sure, it was nice seeing Han Solo one last time (this movie was fuckin’ all about let’s revisit all our favorite heroes one last time!), but come on. So he (A SKYWALKER) could be the one to save Rey (A PALPATINE)??! So that they could fuckin’ kiss after everything else that had happened? I must have not seen the same movies as everyone else, because if they were telegraphing some sort of sexual tension between the two, it was done far worse than that shit between Anakin and Amadala in the prequels.
    • And never mind the entire shitstorm that was supposed to be the big, brilliant space battle between the rag-tag rebels and a miles-long Star Destroyer fleet. Star Wars has had some damn fine and exciting space battles, and this was not one of them. It was a wholehearted mess to watch, and I still don’t understand the scenario in which Finn and his crew landed and jaunted around the outside of the main Star Destroyer. At one point, my husband said “maybe that ship is protected by the planet’s atmosphere,” and that made sense for a minute, and then…it just didn’t. And I didn’t care anymore.
    • And fuck that Return of the Jedi redux celebration ending, too.

… … …

  • Whew. I supposed I could have just said “the movie’s ending sucked” and left it at that, but oh well. That’s all typed in stone now and I can move on. Speaking civilly, I knew almost nothing (or had forgotten if I did) about the movie’s story, only that I had heard it meant as something of a love-letter to fans. Something to help rectify the seeming mistakes of the previous two movies. And boy, I got that all right. But somewhere in and among all the fuzzy, good feelings, someone forgot to write a good story.
  • If I’m left with any single lasting thought concerning this particular trilogy, it’s that I wish they had just come up with an entirely new story, something with little to no connection to the story of Luke, Han, and Leia. Just something different.
  • But since we got what we got, there were some great highlights, and, I will admit, a few candid emotional pangs.
  • Like, sure, I welled up at the death of General Leia Organa Solo because I’m not a monster. That hit me even harder when Chewbacca found out, because it was at that moment that I realized that Han, Luke, and Leia were all gone from his life.
  • Of course, he still has Lando. We’ll always have Lando, and that’s a bright spot if ever there was.
  • Of the new trio, Rey and Finn had always been perfectly likeable, but I remained on the fence about Poe. I’m going to credit better writing (despite the story) to me liking him far more in this movie than the previous ones. He and Finn had some fun banter, and I liked that his character was fleshed out just a little bit more beyond the “brash, young pilot” trope.
  • The movie did have some pretty good visuals. I won’t say that Rey force-flipping over Kylo-Ren’s TIE fighter wasn’t at least a little bit cool. Also, the Death Star ruins. The second one, I think. It’s never made clear, though the placement would be right for the second, not the first. (I think?)
  • It’s just too bad so much of the movie felt weirdly forced, from C-3PO not being “permitted” to translate the Sith language, to oh hey, that Imperial dude was a spy all along!, to Rey’s random visions of being a Sith. Ugh. Just all of it, UGH.
  • Though, didn’t she also have those visions in The Last Jedi?
  • Y’know, I get that we all hate the damsel-in-distress nonsense. but why not have had Rey turn to the Dark Side only to be saved by a “I now realize the error of my ways” Kylo-Ren?
  • OMG has everyone already claimed the idea that this whole shebang could have been more interesting if Rey had turned Sith in The Force Awakens? Then she could have had an actual and meaningful relationship with Kylo-Ren, who realizes before her the “error of his ways.” Then at least him saving her would make an iota of sense. Granted, then the world probably wouldn’t have gotten it’s last, longing looks at Han, Luke, and Leia, but y’all, their stories were told. And told well.
  • Nobody likes re-hash. The potatoes never warm up the same the second time around.

Well, guess I can now read all those Rise of Skywalker reviews and posts that I skipped, LOL! Maybe I should also do one of those Star Wars movie rankings, like everyone else has, of all 11 movies. Let’s see…

1. The Empire Strikes Back
2. Star Wars (fuck, “A New Hope”)
3. Return of the Jedi
4. Rogue One
5. The Force Awakens
6. The Last Jedi
7. Solo
8. Attack of the Clones
9. Revenge of the Sith
10. The Phantom Menace
11. The Rise of Skywalker

Invoking the words of that all-time great mystic, Pumbaa, “Ya gotta put your behind in the past.” Rest now, Star Wars. We knew ye well.

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