To know me is to know that I love my yearly series, and here’s a new a one! This year I’m taking on the 30-Day Video Game Challenge (30VGC). Though, actually, it’s going to be more like the 26-Week Video Game Challenge, since I’ll only be covering two or three topics from the challenge each month. You can check out my intended schedule in this post. With that, it’s game on!
Wow…okay. So this was a tough one, because let me tell you, I came up with a list. A list a mile long, because I have beefs with a number of annoying video game characters. From Baby Mario in Yoshi’s Island to Michael De Santa/Townley’s entire fucking family in GTA V. (Okay, maybe not Jimmy all the time. But Amanda and Tracey??…puh-lease.) My list included Luka from Bayonetta, who I’d just like to punch in his goddamn ponytail; to RDR’s Jack Marston because everyone’s annoyed by Jack Marston; to everyone’s favorite nag, the OoT’s Navi. That poor little fairy just got the short end of the stick, eh? I stared at my list for days before I finally narrowed it down to one character. One character I found to be The. Most. Irritable. Character. Ever.
I’m not usually one to shit all over the younger set. Kidz be kidz, right? But boy oh boy, just thinking about Luke Triton after so many years of not thinking about him just makes me want to bash my head into my desk. And the thing of it is that he’s not a bad character or an unnecessary character. His puzzle-solving skills make him the perfect apprentice to the one and only Professor Layton. And Luke’s high-strung-ness provides the perfect compliment to Layton’s calm yet imposing demeanor. But holy shit if he just didn’t get on my nerves, from his voice to his mannerisms. I will admit that it wasn’t solely Luke who made me give up on the Layton games after only three. (No, I just suck ass at solving puzzles.) But after taking a break from them, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to spending more time with Layton and his shrill, overly-excitable companion. So I didn’t. And I’m not going to again.
Not even the addition of Phoenix Wright to the equation could sway me. Not so long as Luke Triton is in the mix.
Sorry Luke. It’s not you, it’s me.
And you. Mostly.
It’s YOU. ALL YOU. ALL FUCKING YOU AND YOUR DAMN ROSY CHEEKS AND BRIGHT-EYED AND BUSHY-FUCKING-TAILED DISPOSITION.