The Loss of Routine

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’m not a creature of habit. I’m super flexible about everything and able to take life as it comes!”

I know I used to think that. Prior to buying our house six years ago (our 6-year house anniversary just passed actually, #thankyouverymuch), the life of my husband and I was unsettled. I don’t mean in a bad way, it’s just that we moved around a lot due to schooling, work, and other situations. After moving back to the East Coast in the mid-2000s, we lived in in four different cities, in various accommodations in each, before choosing to be where we’ve been since 2012. Life was constantly in motion then, and we had to be adaptable as a result.

After we bought the house, a daily routine started to take shape. With steady, stable jobs that took us both in the same direction, we quickly established our mornings – what time we had to be up, dressed, fed, in the car and on the road. Come quitting time, the afternoon routine started, which was really just the reverse of the morning one. Of course there were occasional hiccups, but generally speaking, our days started and ended as expected.  Looking back, I honestly didn’t see our routine as “routine,” but hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.

At the end of February, our fixture of a daily routine was sent into a tailspin. He started a new job, and I started a new work schedule. Knowing that change was on the horizon, we planned and planned and planned in the weeks prior. Not only would our daily agendas change, but no longer would we be commuting together. This would bring about new adventures in public transportation, as well as an overhaul of our sleeping schedules. It all meant we would be waking up earlier, coming home later, and beating the best of senior citizens to bed.  Our daily free time together went from a good evening of productivity to such a precious few that we had no idea how to best spend them. And there was no easing into things. One day we had our old routine, and the next we started a brand new one, cold turkey.

But, who cares, right? What’s the big deal, right? Why am I lamenting so on such first world problems, right? Believe me, I’m not complaining, because the reality is that there are good, happy reasons for this change. Nah, it’s just me and the blogosphere, and my lack of participation therein. I’ve become that friend who suddenly dropped off the face of the earth with no explanation. And I feel kinda bad about it, that’s all. Because participating in others’ blogs was part of my old routine. Keeping up with everyone here was something I had built into my day. Now, I barely have time to look at the Internet for the weather, let alone cram in some blog reading. And I know, truthfully, that I have nothing to feel guilty about, but I do. And I don’t have to justify a damn thing to anyone, but here I am. Life is just like that, sometimes.

Y’know what has been one of the worst side effect of all this? Fatigue. I figured that I might feel a little weary and stressed with the change, but I certainly didn’t expect to anything lasting. The reality of the past few weeks is that I pretty much feel tired All. The. Time. Chugging coffee all day does nothing, and only serves to make me feel like shit come bedtime. I’ve been walking whole lots more, and until I get used to it, it’s probably adding to the exhaustion. (News flash: exercise is tiring.) I’ve also had to put morning yoga on ice, and though I’m not much down with new-age-y crap, I know that unfortunate case of brainfog has set in quite well. During the day I feel as if I’m treading through ankle-deep mud. I’m utterly beat by dinner. Sleep comes soundly at first and then becomes restless in the wee hours of the morning. Now you’ll have to excuse me as I take a small nap in my fifth cup of coffee at 10am. My god, is it only 10am?

Long story long, I’m doing my best not to become a hermit, even though the prospect seems oh so tempting.

… … …

Huh. I guess needed to purge my mind of all these thoughts of worry and pressure. You guys get it. I’ll still here, if only a little quieter/slower than before. The adjustment is just that, an adjustment. Things change, and as much as you try to roll with the punches, sometimes you still might get hit.

I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I’LL GET UP AGAIN, YOU’RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN

Seriously, brain? You come up with Chumba-fucking-wamba at a time like this? I mean, goddamn, but it’s only fitting, I suppose.

Keep it real, all you lovely people.

6 Comments

  1. Like Hatm0nster said, you can do it! Any time of big life changes is really stressful, so it only makes sense that there is an adjustment period as all the pieces of your life settle back and figure out how they all fit together in the new framework they have to maneuver in, if that makes sense.

    The cool thing about the internet is that it doesn’t go away, though, right? haha What I mean to say is that all of this will be here when you’re available, like the friends who understand life upheaval is, well, an upheaval.

    Now go grab yourself a lager drink! haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL…if only I liked beer. 😉

      Your point about re-configuring one’s personal framework in light of an upheaval is well taken. And I don’t think that I expected to feel so guilty because of it. I know people who’s live have been turned upside-down by far worse. So I certainly appreciate the camaraderie here. We’re all just slogging through life together, doing our best to keep it all together. Being part of that, even when times pull me away temporarily, is quite comforting.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel the exact same way. I just got married back in November and also bought a house last month. I’m trying to get a handle on all the changes in my life and haven’t had a chance to develop some type of routine. Hopefully one day I’ll figure out when I can write, play games, or sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’ll happen, truly. We also bought our house and got married within the span of a couple months – that was a whirlwind of a year. That was 2012, and I don’t think we found our routine until at least a year later.

      I’ve often lamented about the problems associated with being an adult who enjoys video games. The silver lining there is that the games won’t complain if they’re neglected for awhile. They’ll always be there, patiently waiting for when you’re ready. Sleep…well…that’s another matter. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hang in there, Cary! You can do it! 😀

    Both sudden upheavals of the old routine and hectic schedules can certainly be trying things. I’ve been on a schedule of day job + night time work (writing, studying, planning, editing, etc.) for a few months now and boy does it get tiring after awhile. The good news is that it gets easier once it becomes the new routine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And, boy, I cannot wait until things get easier! Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂 I think daylight savings and the terrible weather we’ve been having this month has been making things seem more tiring than they really are. But everything gets better when the sun comes out, right?

      Liked by 1 person

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