Mission Chrono Trigger: Of Fake Queens and Real Frogs (with Swords)

These days, I play games at one rate: slow. And if I’m gearing up to beat one game, things slow down even more with anything else that I may be playing. What does this have to do with anything? Well, nothing really. I mean…it’s like…SHUT UP I DON’T HAVE TO JUSTIFY MY EXISTENCE TO YOU GODDAMMIT!

Um…well…that escalated quickly.  I’ve been a bit on edge for no good reason lately. I should be jumping for joy because (trumpets flourish) I completed — yes, completed —  my first real playthrough of Dragon Age: Inquisition over the weekend! Oh yes, I did — do I hear a few woohoos? No? Oh. Well I’m all woohoo and shit over it because it means I finally get to write about the game. I’m aiming for those words to appear here next week. Now, what this excitement has meant for Chrono Trigger is that it feels like I’ve barely progressed with it. Like, maybe I’ve managed another hour or two, if that? However, the nice thing about the game is that the plot doesn’t screw around with  a million sidequests and nonsense. That’s not to say that you can’t go exploring on your own to find this, that, and the other, but Crono has a purpose, and following that purpose is your main goal as the player. It’s a little strange playing a game that offers up a seemingly concise main story. Then again, I’ve been knee deep in Inquisitor madness and Mechon-slaying, so what the hell do I know? Not much, apparently. So let’s just get on with my mission, Chrono Trigger.

SPOILERS ahead, in any and all timelines!

When we last left our intrepid hero, he was chasing after his new best friend Marle who had been sucked into (of her own will)  Lucca’s time traveling portal device thingy. I spent awhile traversing the grounds of Guardia Forest in 600 A.D., some 400 years before Crono’s time, beating up on creatures left and right. (I mentioned last time that I liked the battle system, and that’s not changed. The game’s active time battle system makes for action- and suspense-filled fights!) After heading through a few twists and turns, I managed to get Crono out of the forest and to a castle — Guardia Castle — centered in the forest. I explored the castle for a bit and met up with a ponytailed queen named Leene who bore a striking resemblance to Crono’s new fav best friend, Marle. In a story twist that only a JRPG could love, it turned out that the real Queen Leene  kidnapped, Marle had been mistaken for her and “made” Queen. But the weirdness didn’t end there. While trying to make nice with its people, Crono crossed paths with the castle’s intolerably rude chancellor. And then he met back up with the Queen who revealed herself to be Marle who then vanished!  And to top off Crono’s totally fucked-up day, in barged Lucca with an explanation of everything, time travel included.

P. S. You’ll have to trust me about all this because I completely forgot to get any screenshots. I am a terrible person.

Aside: In light of this of this dreadful screenshot oversight, rest assured that I am now taking ALL the screenshots. Or rest however you like. No sense in loosing sleep over some screenshots, now is there? Or…is there? Now I wish I had a damn time machine. Also, when I say “ALL the screenshots,” I actually mean more than none. So at least a few. Which is a lot.

Christ almighty…wtf?

Anyway, with nothing left to do in Guardia Castle and Lucca’s mad skillz in tow, we headed back into the forest. There was another building to the west of the forest that I wanted to check out. It turned out to be a lovely cathedral. Oh sure, a lovely cathedral replete with bad guys! A brief fight with some evilness lead to Crono and Lucca meeting, or perhaps being rescued by Frog.

Look, a screenshot. I remembered!
Look, a screenshot. I remembered!

And oh, I liked Frog. He reminded me of Lancelot, only with a little more sense. He was chivalrous and strong and wielded a mean sword. I was more than happy to have him join Crono and Lucca. Plus, if battling was one character was fun, then battling with three characters could only be three times more fun, right?

Now, because I’m bad at taking cues in games, and because I was so distracted by Frog’s charming, Shakespearean mannerisms, I completely missed what I needed to do next. The room in the cathedral in which we met Frog appeared to only have one entrance, so I left and went exploring.

The in-game map is quite pretty in its own right.
The in-game maps are quite pretty in their own rights.

And…nope. Exploring proved fruitless. Enjoyable, but ultimately a waste of time. Once I got nowhere by doing nothing, I figured that whatever it was I was actually supposed to be doing, I had to be doing it in the cathedral. Lo and behold, upon returning, I caught onto the secret of its front room and was lead into its bowels where we found some monsters…


…and defeated some monsters…

Monsters defeated!
Monsters defeated!

…and then we kept winding our way through the cathedrals’ many corridors.

It may not look very winding, but trust me...it was convoluted.
Debating on where to go next.



After fighting a bunch of minor bad guys and figuring out how to unlock certain doors (all very scintillating stuff), Crono, Lucca, and Frog faced off with the eeee-vil Chancellor, who turned out to be a super eeee-vil monster named Yakra!

Wonder Twins, form of...! Oh wait, that's not how it works. :(
Wonder Twins powers activate! Form of…! Oh wait, that’s not how it works. 😦
Chrono Trigger-14 - more fighting yakra
Who will come out on top?
Why, Crono and the gand, of course!
Why, Crono and the gang, of course!

For my first major Chrono Trigger boss battle, I’d say things went okay, but it was tougher than I expected. Having along Frog with his high HP and strength helped quite a lot. But there was little time to bask in the light of victory, for things were still a mess at Guardia Castle, what with the Chancellor garnering a doppelganger and and queen to save. So back to the castle to deal with all the loose ends. There Crono, Lucca, and Frog met the real Queen Leene who was quite happy to be back in one piece.

Hey, there are two other people here...!
Hey, there are two other people here…!
Well thanks Frog. Ut we all know that we'd have been royally fucked without you.
Thanks, Frog. But we all know that we’d have been royally fucked without you.

We also met the real chancellor, who was doggone mad at that mean ol’ Yakra!

He's cute when he's angry.
He’s cute when he’s angry.

Well, yay for Guardia Castle. Though things had been righted, the game wasn’t quite done in turning Crono’s (or my) brain into tapioca. Upon meeting back up with Marle, she revels that she is, in fact, a princess!

Roman numerals? Must have been a helluva monuhful to say...haha.
Roman numerals?! Must have been a helluva mouthful to say…haha.

Yup, in the classic Aladdin/Princess Jasmine way, when Crono met Marle at the Milennial Faire, she was pretending to be a commoner in order to have a little fun. Though I was all like a cynical “hardy har har,” Crono recovered quickly and accepted Marle for who she really was.

Super duper!
Super duper!

And that was that. It was time to head back to good ol’ 1000 A.D., which meant going back into Guardia Forest to get to the time travel portal. But once there, everyone was all like…

Chrono Trigger-22 - wanna go home
I was hoping you’d know?!

And then I must have looked away because suddenly everyone was like…

Chrono Trigger-23 - going home
What? Did somebody fart or something?

Then the portal sucked everyone into its…err…innards(?), and everyone arrived safely back at the fair.

Home sweet home.
Home sweet home.

What next on tap for Crono and the crew? Hell if I know, but I’m looking forward to finding out. Hopefully I’ll be able to devote a little more time to the game now that I’m not fretting over rifts and shards and war table meetings. (Though now it means I can become totally engrossed in Xenoblade Chronicles, which might be a questionable act for anyone, namely me, hoping to be a productive human being.) Either way, a lot can happen in a month, which is when I’ll be back with my next “Mission Chrono Trigger!”


  1. Congrats on beating Inquisition! What you think of the ending? Also, before reading this I’d forgotten that Chrono Trigger had some slight 4th wall breaking in its dialog (that comment about things getting weird), thanks for the reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

    • In DA:I, was happy with how things were tied up with the defeat of Corypheus, but that whole thing with Solas and Flemeth kind of lost me. (I actually replayed the ending battle in order to catch their conversation again, and I’m still not sure I got it, so if another DA game comes from that, I’ll have some catching up to do.)

      Meanwhile, in CT, I can’t get over how strange/funny some of the dialog is. I imagine some things were lost in translation, but it’s highly entertaining and easy to follow despite any hiccups.


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