Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler! You got alotta guts comin’ here after what you pulled.
Hey…hey! No wait, I didn’t…I was just…oh…kidding! Kidding! Really!
There now…how’s about a hug? Just like old times, right? Yeah. Sorry bout that…what I said there…I just had to…well…you know you, er, we left things. I know about that post you wrote; and I know about your resolution. I was just having a little fun there, y’know? Okay, okay. Let’s chat, seriously. Really, just you and me here talking.
First off — HOORAY, YOU CAME BACK!! That was pretty awesome! I mean, after that initial post, I thought you and me might be done; but I still had hope. And it wasn’t like I’ve bored this whole time. I had some nice if stolid conversations with Batman. (Arkham Asylum is craaaazzeee!) And then Spiderman joined the ranks (he really is pretty amazing). And boy oh boy, how about Sackboy — he’s just a bundle of energy! So I was plenty entertained.
And then along came your post about New Years Resolutions — and I almost couldn’t believe it! You had finally come to your senses! I knew, I just knew, you’d be back. Skryim, it gets inside you…I mean, I didn’t…we did after all, but …uh…it’s not a place that’s easily forgotten. Yeah. It’s a beautiful place, and expansive place, with so many places to explore. And I know you like to explore…
What’s with that look!? Alright, fine…moving on. So New Year’s Day arrives and you pick me up off the shelf. I was excited, so tingly, but wary. How did I know this wasn’t going to be a one time thing? That you’d, uh, I’d just be in and out in a joyless moment? But I’ll give credit where credit is due because you came through! I spent a lot of time in that nice, new PS3, and you spent a lot of time questing! And I couldn’t help but notice that you picked a totally different character this time — a female orc. Quite a departure from your Imperial warrior, eh? You didn’t get very far into her own story, though it seems you’re somewhat sympathetic to the Stormcloaks. You think she’ll join the Stormcloaks? That would be pretty interesting.
Anyway, you were progressing just fine, and oh so happily! You racked up XP like nobody’s business! And I saw you finally got the hang of the skills trees. Good for you! (And I mean that in totally non-condescending way.) I think you did much better than with the first attempt at playing — rough when it was called for and gentle during the quieter moments…perfect…so smooth…no glitches, I mean. You didn’t encounter a single glitch! Yeah, I made sure you’d have a good time. No getting stuck in the mountains, no magically disappearing enemies, no running through walls. I did pretty good, no?
So…finally…the big moment arrived — the showdown between you and Alduin. The way things were going, I was certain that by the time you got to Alduin, you’d be totally ready to climax, um…for the climax…of the story. But there, as you were delivering the final blows, things started to…fizzle? I could sense there were no real feelings behind the battle, it was just a thing that had to happen in order for you to move on with life. And then…it was too late to change the trajectory of events. Alduin was finished, and you just sat there, staring blankly at the screen. And I was there just whirring away in the less-than-excited PS3. Hm. That’s not how I thought this would end.
Huh? Oh, I know it’s not over — you’ve stored up a ton of sidequests, so I know that we’ll have many more occasional hours of fun. But…its not like it’ll be an exclusive thing. And that’s okay, I guess. I know you’ve been spending a lot of time with John Marston, and Shulk and Reyn. I can’t blame you. They’ve all got great stories too that take place in really fantastic settings. You…you should enjoy yourself, enjoy them. Be happy. That’s what I really want for you. And I’ll be here…I’ll always be here. That new PS3 has a lot of years left. And though our relationship is fleeting now, I don’t mind fulfilling your need to quest. I’m cool with just being there when you need a little action. Yeah…ac-tion. Okay…okay (sigh) sorry. Just…don’t leave me hanging for too long. I see Desmond and Conner eagerly waiting their turn. They’re nice guys and all, but just remember who was ready and willing when the time came.
Till we meet again,